






I did a thing. A bad thing but a thing nonetheless.







I did a thing. A bad thing but a thing nonetheless.
Two eyes the colour of darkest jet flicked open. No surprise or fear showed on Aubrey Ordifale’s face. It was no use being surprised by the only dream you’d had for over fifty years. No use being afraid either, they’d seen that skeleton a thousand times in dreams and twice in real life.
They threw their faded patchwork quilt off and got up. The sound of rain pattering against the window told them they would need a raincoat, a glance just confirmed it.
A flick of their wrist caused the wardrobe to open and an invisible hand to start looking through the various dresses and jeans and t-shirts inside whilst they took care of their hair and make-up.
Aubrey regarded their face in the gilded mirror that they’d placed on a table to make it resemble a vanity.
‘I haven’t done too badly in terms of looks,’ they thought as they picked up the only tube of mascara they owned, ‘I mean yes, I have more than a few wrinkles around my eyes and I’m pretty sure the bags underneath them make it look like I haven’t slept for a week but I have nice bone structure and my skin is relatively clear of scars or marks.’
Aubrey moved on from mascara and started to apply a thin layer of light pink lip stain.
‘Though, on the thought of bone structure, my nose is slightly crooked after being broken by the book all those years ago.’
They screwed the cap back on to the lip stain tube and twisted around in their chair to face the wardrobe.
In mid-air, held up by some invisible force, was a white blouse with a peter pan collar, a light grey jumper and a pair of jeans.
Another flick of their wrist sent the clothes flying towards the bed to lie neatly on the quilt.
Aubrey got dressed quickly, buttoning up the blouse and pulling down the jumper before putting on the jeans.
They checked their face in the mirror to make they hadn’t smudged the lip stain and, satisfied that they hadn’t, Aubrey pulled on a pair of heavy combat boots that been sat beside the door and went through to the kitchen.
The air was heavy with an oppressive heat. It reminded them of the blast of hot air you got when opening an oven.
They turned and it felt like they were surrounded by treacle, it took them so long to do just that.
Bearing down upon them was a giant skeleton, clothed in an old soldier’s uniform. Where it’s eyes had been were two pits of blue fire.
It’s lower jaw dropped down and a single blood curdling shriek came out. Blood started to drip out of their ears and they covered them with their hands in an ineffective attempt to get the shriek to-

Grimm the Crow. Breaks into houses to steal bread. Caws in the morning to wake people up. Kind of an asshole. He likes to wear hats, his favorite is his top hat. Will fight you for food. Perches on Aubrey’s head of shoulder. Sometimes he does the same for Florian though he does dig his claws in. What else do you want from him? He’s a crow!

Florian Harrofolk. Snarky bastard. Hard shell, soft interior. Elf. Florist. Long hair, dont care. He cares a lot about his hair. Has a pet grass snake named Sir Slither. Only magic talent is in plant magic and repairing shit. More often then not over at Aubrey’s flat. Eats Chinese take-out a lot. Does not know about Aubrey being an ex-saviour but does know that they’re a lot older than they look. Is about the same age as them to be honest, probably younger. Sometimes he makes flower crowns.

Aubrey Ordifale. They/them. Too tired for this bullshit. Bitter? Hardly. Coffee is the only thing keeping them going. Only friends are a snarky elf florist named Florian and maybe the crow that sometimes gets into their house and eats their bread. Probably swallowed a dictionary at some point in time because they know a shit ton of archaic words. Is very powerful but only uses their magic for simple things like lighting candles and cleaning these days. Keeps their powerful spell books for old times sake and also because they are a hoarder. Wand/staff is actually an umbrella which doubles as both a club and a shield.