It’s small, it’s angry and it doesn’t give a fuck who you are, it will attack you all the same.
Lmao, it’s Mallory a quarter of the time.
The other two quarters, she’s either a fox or a cat depending on her mood.
Tag: M
in front of the camera pt.11
(The camera started up to focus on a small collection of shampoo and conditioner on a desk)
“This shit is expensive,” Mallory observed as she picked up one of the bottles, not even reacting when the door slammed open and Alois, sans his shirt, stalked in.
“Give me back my shampoo,” he growled at her.
“Why the fuck do you pay so much for it?”
“It’s a small price to pay for self esteem.”
“That’s kinda sad.”
in front of the camera pt.10
(The camera started up to Raine staring boredly at it)
“Today, I will be documenting the many time Daniele tries to get Mallory to admit to liking him. *Connolly and **Leander’s fails will also be documented.”
(Cut. The camera is balanced on Raine’s shoulder and pointed towards a blond male.)
“And, for my next trick,” he said after pulling a card out from behind his ear, “I’ll need a female and 20 minutes.”
A snort was heard before Raine said, “20 minutes.”
“Female,” came from off camera accompanied by a snort from Mallory.
(Cut. The camera is focused on Daniele who is in the kitchen.)
“You know,” he began as he took a tray of biscuits out of the oven, “I really think Mallory is finally starting to like me.”
“No, I’m not!” Mallory shouted from another room.
Daniele leaned closer to the camera and whispered, “I’m wearing her down,” with an assured look on his face.
“You aren’t. You really aren’t.”
(Cut. Daniele is decorating the living room in heart shaped decorations and Raine is sat on the couch following him with the camera.)
“Love is in the air~” he sang, waltzing across the room. He said that at the same moment Mallory walked into the room.
She heard what he said, took one look at the decorations and pulled out a can of air freshener.
“Not anymore,” was muffled beneath her hand as she sprayed it.
(Cut. Connolly was bickering with Mallory and the camera kept moving slightly from side to side.)
“No, no, no! The painting needs to be slightly to the left to be perfectly aligned with the rest of the paintings.”
“Why the fuck am I even doing this?” Mallory asked, glaring at him. “Why should I listen to you, anyway? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”
He stared at her for a moment. “That was harsh.”
“It was honest is what you mean.”
(Cut. The camera is pointed at Mallory and Daniele who are arguing about Mallory’s clothes.)
“Why are you always wearing mesh? You need to dress everyday like you’re going to get murdered in those clothes!“
"In this house, there’s a high probability that you will be murdered,” Mallory paused, “and I would be totally fine with dying in a mesh top.”
*Connolly appeared in the previous snippet.
**Leander is the character otherwise known as Blondie.
in front of the camera pt.9
(The camera starts up to focus on a twitchy man who looked a lot older than he actually was.)
“Okay, I’m not a psychologist or a counselor but I’m the closest thing this place is ever gonna get. Start talking,” Mallory spoke up from somewhere out of the camera frame.
He glared at her before sighing. “I feel like when lesbians look at me, they’re thinking: that’s why I’m not a heterosexual.”
“I mean…I’m not a lesbian but I can guarantee that if I was, you would be the reason.”
“Why are you even doing this if all you’re going to do is insult me?”
“I told you. I’m the closest thing to a psychologist or counselor this place is gonna get,” she paused for a moment before adding, “that, and mocking you is one of the highlights of my day.”
in front of the camera pt.8
(Camera starts up to Raine and Mallory sat on two swivel chairs. He hands her a thermos)
“What is this?” she looked at it suspiciously.
“Mint tea,” he said blandly.
She stared at him, took a gulp, smiled when she realized he hadn’t lied and nodded.
“I like you. I will make you mine.”
“Like as a boyfriend or like as a slave?”
“Yes.”
*Raine is a previously unnamed character, known for being incredibly emotionless in both speech and facial expressions all the time.
in front of the camera pt.7
(The camera starts up to Mallory standing very close to it)
“There’s lipstick on my teeth.”
(Cut)
“I think Blondie is PMSing,” came from off camera.
Cue badly covered up snorts of laughter.
(Cut)
“Why does my shampoo smell like strawberries? Alois, did you replace my shampoo with yours?!”
“Why the fuck do you think I would do that?!”
“Because you’re the only one with strawberry shampoo and I can smell cinnamon on you from over here!”
in front of the camera pt.6
(The camera starts up with Mallory’s face really close to the screen She moves backwards and you can see that she is standing in a hallway)
“Hello, fuckers,” she began in a hushed voice. “What we’re doing today is putting this,” she indicated to a bucket filled with soapy water, “over Alois’ door and recording the results.
(Cut to her hiding behind the corner as the door opens. There is a yell of surprise before she reveals herself, the camera moving jerkily before focusing on Alois.)
“Why the fuck would you do that?! There’s soap in my eyes!” the long haired man yelled, pulling the bucket off his head.
“I noticed your eyeballs were dirty so I thought I should help you to clean them!” she chirped.
“What the fuck?”
“A wash a day keeps your eyeballs from turning grey!”
in front of the camera pt.5
(The camera starts as Mallory flops down into a swivel chair. She looks thoughtfully off to the side before turning to face the screen)
“I think Milo is stealing my tea and replacing it with Blondie’s boss’ alcohol,” her voice was incredibly blithe as she said that.
“Obviously, revenge will have to be dealt,” she continued, an eerily cheerful smile appearing on her face. “I don’t even like whisky. Why the fuck is he giving it to me?”
in front of the camera pt.4
(The camera wobbles slightly and goes out of focus for a minute before refocusing on Mallory)
“Why are you wearing fishnets under your jeans?” a voice from behind the camera asked her. You could practically feel the horror in their voice.
“Chill, Daniele. It’s a look,” Mallory rolled her eyes at him.
“Where?!”
“Here.”
in front of the camera pt.3
(The camera started up with a side view of Mallory as she applied mascara to her eyelashes.)
“Why is it a thing that when you have like one high ranking female operative or whatever, they’re forced to dress up and wear make-up for the sake of missions,” she complained, turning to face the camera.
“Like, Blondie looks feminine enough, make him do it. Better yet, make Alois do it! He has the hair and people mistake him for a woman on a daily basis. Hell, Daniele would love it!” she jabbed the air with her mascara wand to accentuate her point. “Why the fuck do they think making me, the girl who only pays attention to her hair or her nails when they’re like soaked in blood and it’s honestly getting nasty, do it is a good fucking idea? My entire wardrobe is literally t-shirts, tank-tops, combat boots and ripped jeans for God’s sake!”
She dropped the mascara on the sink counter and looked directly at the camera. “You know what? This is so fucking annoying and I am going on strike.”
(Cut to Mallory sitting on top of the roof with a large supply of apples and sweets, looking down on everyone.)
cheshireinunderland 